Reflective Sundays

 There goes another Sunday, another weekend.

Time seems to be passing by so fast, it's already mid-November!

I don't know about all of you out there, but there's this thing about Sundays that give me this warm fuzzy feeling inside. Especially at night.

Sundays, are days for you to recharge, to savour life. It is during Sundays, that I feel there is a chance for me to reflect and think. Me, a journal, slow reflective music and whatever positivity left in my mind.

Watched my life pass me by in the rear view mirror,

Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer

I don't wanna waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

I think of all the fun times I had with all my loved ones, and I mock myself for all the times I wished I didn't exist, the times I argued with my friends how nonexistence is better than existence.

I'm only 21, and I have memories I want to keep that an album with a page as wide as the universe can't possibly fill.

I dream of a day, when I'm old and grey, sitting down with my grandchildren with a cup of hot cocoa on a rainy night, in the living room, me on my comfortable chair, relating and telling them of all the wonderful memories I've experienced during the prime of my life. And when my story-telling hour is over, I will sit and stare out the window, listening to the soft pitter patter of the rain landing on the glass, and smile to myself; thinking of the times I laughed so hard till my stomach hurts, while my grandchildren scoot up the stairs in an animated and excited chatter.

Better, if it is during the Christmas season. I can picture the Christmas tree next to my chair. And I can picture a fireplace. Which, of course, is something I wouldn't need if I'm living in Malaysia.

Such happiness. I don't know how I could have ever been willing to trade anything like that for nonexistence.

Won't it be so awesome if it really happens? It is the kind of bliss, the kind of contentment which I think I will never be able to find with this negative mindset I have right now.

That's the ideal setting when I'm old. But looking at me now, I fear that I will be this old, bitter, menacing, haggard woman, waving my walking stick in the air, with a scowl on my face, at every kid at my door trying to sell me some girl-scout cookies.

Also, I think I watch too much TV.


Picture taken from cocoaloco's Flickr via Mary Ruffle.

Of Happiness and Thoughts

A lecturer once asked my class:
“Where is the world headed? What does the upcoming generation want? Ultimately, you guys are our upcoming generation. What do you want?”

That was in one of our marketing class.

In an interview, a lady once said:
“You guys are the hardest group to reach, you know that?”

This got me thinking. What do I want? Put myself in the shoes of a consumer, what is it that I am seeking in a product or a service?

I tried to get to the root of this, and I thought, there is a reason why our generation – and the upcoming ones – are called the "i-generation". We seek to please ourselves. In a warped yet real way, we are all self-seeking, self-centered, and selfish.

But the real question to this is why. Why are we selfish? Why do we put ourselves first? Why do we seek to please ourselves? Is it really human nature to be selfish or is there a reason why we are brought up that way?

I wonder if the way everything is marketed through the media has a part in this.

That’s one argument. My argument, however, is simple: we’re merely looking for things that will keep us happy. The ultimate reason for selfishness is because we all want to be happy. Deep down inside, we want to feed our constantly-dropping happy meter.

So, I ask myself this: Am I happy?

If not, am I going through selfish means to make myself happy?

I’ve lost my train of thought.

Is happiness that hard to find, or is it already there; but we’re not contented and attempt to make ourselves happier than we already are?


Ok, I’m confusing myself because my train of thought is lost.

I’ll just keep this for another day.


On another note: Why is it we put up with the things we shouldn't put up with, even when it annoys us to no end? Maybe we're just masochistic in nature. Why put up with things, when we can just walk away and be happy?

Just Because

Today, is a beautiful day.

And I wish days and nights like this would last forever.

Sometimes, when I'm alone at night and I'm listening to beautiful songs, I reflect on the day's worth of events, and I evaluate the good and the bad. I try to throw out the bad and focus on the good that came my way.

Today, my life is skewed toward the good side in proportions that you cannot imagine.

And yes, this is despite the fact that my phone decided to turn against me and go amok.

I refuse to sleep even though I am so incredibly tired (I slept for only 4 hours because I was so smart to tweak the time of the clock. DON'T ASK WHY.) because tomorrow might not be the same anymore.

Let me just bask in this moment for a bit.

---------------------------------

Okay, on a totally random note:

This is me thinking aloud here. I'm thinking of cooking curry this Tuesday, since I have a pack of santan left. I can cook that in big proportions, and that will be my lunch and dinner for the rest of the week.

Rendang or curry? Beef or chicken? Mmmm, definitely with potatoes. Where can I be a cheapo and pluck curry leaves for free?

I also have a pack of sour cream, after the cookout Raymond and I did, so maybe sometime the following week, I'd do a sour cream mash with bacon bits, and loads of cheese? I'll make sure some parts of potato skin gets into the mash this time. I love potato skin. They're so yummy.

Anyhoo, this was the product of our cookout. Grilled Honey Garlic Pork Chop with Cheesy Mashed Potatoes topped with black pepper sauce and a scoop of sour cream on the side to our taste.

I have learned, grilling pork (or at least pan frying it) is no easy feat man! A little too long, and you get tasteless, dry and hard pork. Too quick, and you get swine flu J.E. an upset stomach.

Ours, because we were determined not to get diarrhea on our first cookout, was a little overcooked, so it was kinda dry.

The sauce and the mash were AWESOME though. Raymond's-dad-was-bread-dipping kinda awesome. /smug.

I will perfect pork grilling one day. I'm determined.

'Twas fun. Not sure if he's gonna want to go through the hassle of cleaning up again though, but for me, cooking is always fun, no matter how tedious the clean up is.

And no, honey, you will not use this statement against me to make me do the cleaning. :]

Till next time!